Theaker's Quarterly Fiction

[Rolnikov]

These old NaNoWriMo novels of mine appeared in our magazine in our early days, and we'd always meant to publish them as books, but never made the time. And in truth, they weren't really worth the effort! But that didn't stop them clogging up our publishing plans, and getting in the way of us doing more interesting projects. So, I thought, let's just get the buggers out and move on.

Links are to Amazon UK, but the books are available on Kindle worldwide.

Quiet, the Tin Can Brains Are Hunting! – a semi-sequel to Professor Challenger in Space, this was originally published as a ebook all the way back on 22 January 2001. Mrs Challenger sends a mismatched team of heroes and villains out on a mission to stop the tin can brains.

The Fear Man – the President of Earth battles the universe to get his unborn daughter back. Great idea, poor execution!

Howard Phillips in His Nerves Extruded – following the events of the as yet unpublished (and largely unwritten) Howard Phillips and the Ghastly Mountain Howard is looking for more members to join his band. He has hired beautiful actresses to carry him around on a palanquin.

[Rolnikov]

Howard Phillips and the Doom That Came to Sea Base Delta – Howard goes on a mission to a haunted undersea base, and then finds himself at the end of the universe.

Howard Phillips and the Day the Moon Wept Blood – the worst writer in the world mounts a literary takeover of England, seizing control of our bookshops and making his base at the British Library.

[Phillip Spencer]

These old NaNoWriMo novels of mine appeared in our magazine in our early days, and we'd always meant to publish them as books, but never made the time. And in truth, they weren't really worth the effort! But that didn't stop them clogging up our publishing plans, and getting in the way of us doing more interesting projects. So, I thought, let's just get the buggers out and move on.

You might want to work on your sales pitch a bit, Stephen. 

[Dave Brzeski]

I'm still after a copy of the 3rd Challenger book, but the postage to have it shipped from the alternate dimension in which you actually wrote & published the bloody thing is astronomical! 

[Rolnikov]

David, I’m going to have to write that one eventually just to get it off my back!

Phillip, let me give it another try!! I can do better!!!

[Rolnikov]

Here goes...

In their very writing these five novels by the new KING OF SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY AND HORROR changed the course of not one but four art forms: FICTION, POETRY, FILM and MUSIC. Now available as ebooks they will REDEFINE every idea you have about what is POSSIBLE in a novel, EXPAND your consciousness beyond recommended safety levels and RAISE your expectations so high you’ll never be SATISFIED again! If you have a job QUIT it now. If you have CHILDREN take them to their grandparents. If you are on a bus buy a DAYSAVER. Because these books will make you FORGET and NEGLECT everything else in your life! They will leave you DROOLING with pleasure, GASPING at the pace of adventure, STUPEFIED by their literary genius. When you’ve read them you’ll demand to READ THEM AGAIN and PUNCH A HOLE IN THE FACE OF THE WORLD if it tries to stop you!!! Written in under THIRTY DAYS by a PROFESSIONALLY PUBLISHED WRITER or YOUR MONEY BACK! About £1.99 each.

[Phillip Spencer]

Now available as ebooks they will REDEFINE every idea you have about what is POSSIBLE in a novel, EXPAND your consciousness beyond recommended safety levels and RAISE your expectations so high you’ll never be SATISFIED again! If you have a job QUIT it now. If you have CHILDREN take them to their grandparents. If you are on a bus buy a DAYSAVER. Because these books will make you FORGET and NEGLECT everything else in your life! They will leave you DROOLING with pleasure, GASPING at the pace of adventure, STUPEFIED by their literary genius. When you’ve read them you’ll demand to READ THEM AGAIN and PUNCH A HOLE IN THE FACE OF THE WORLD if it tries to stop you!!!

Now that's more like it... My Amazon account now says: I just bought: 'Howard Phillips in His Nerves Extruded' by Stephen Theaker.

I have already put the cats out in case my over-reactions scare them and trust I will not short out my Kindle with all the drooling and gasping. (It's not one of "those" novels is it?)

[Rolnikov]

Hey, thanks - hope you enjoy it! I was reading that one last night and thought it was the funniest thing I'd read in years. Especially the bit about pizza bases. And the way I completely forgot about one character for most of the novel.

[Rolnikov]

I was delighted to hear this week that The Photographer's Tale by Daniel Mills, which appeared in Theaker's Quarterly Fiction #36, has been selected for Best New Horror 23. His novel Revenants, published by Chomu Press, is well worth a look too.

[Peter Coleborn]

I was delighted to hear this week that The Photographer's Tale by Daniel Mills, which appeared in Theaker's Quarterly Fiction #36, has been selected for Best New Horror 23. His novel Revenants, published by Chomu Press, is well worth a look too.

Great news

[Rolnikov]

It's springtime! Don't you deserve to be happy? Then download issue forty of Theaker's Quarterly Fiction – or buy a print copy if you're so inclined!

This issue features our last seven micro-fictions from Rhys Hughes in “The Delusions and Tangents of Thornton Excelsior”, Lewis Gesner's strange little fable “The Journey of Toil Ling; a Folkish Tale”, a man coping with memories of off-world troubles in “Homecoming” by Mitchell Edgeworth, and thirty-odd pages of reviews by Stephen Theaker, Howard Watts, Jacob Edwards, John Greenwood and Douglas J. Ogurek. Cover art is by Howard Watts and interior art is by Ben Ludlam.

This 102pp issue is available in all the usual formats, all free except the print edition, which we’ve priced as cheaply as possible. (Just £2.59 at present!) More information here.

[Des Lewis]

Just ordered TQF40 the book from Lulu. Looking forward to it.
des

[Rolnikov]

I'm sure your insights will be as profound and interesting as ever!

[Peter Coleborn]

Smart-looking publication again. TQF demonstrates that with a bit of care it is relatively easy to produce professional-looking books and magazines. Even simple things such as sensible-sized indents (rather than the default tab setting) all help. Well done.

[Rolnikov]

Thanks! Like anything, it's a lot easier with the right tools. I have to do some legacy jobs in things like PageMaker, and sometimes even Word, and it's a nightmare compared to working in Quark.