Author Topic: The legacy...............  (Read 4348 times)


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The legacy...............
« on: May 23, 2004, 01:17:36 pm »
I am new here and I would like to try out with a story which I wrote on another fantasy site ....please disregard the grammar errors, for they have been brought to my attention numerous times.

the beginig:

(...)And they came from the great ships and boats, some with sails, some with paddles, some with great vails pushed by the winds.Ancient books say that their homeland laid somewhere in the west, beyond the great tempest that they passed when they reached the Emerald shores.
These shores were covered by Dragon scale weeds and made them glow in a bright green from the sea.The first to set foot on the land were the human sailors from the sunrise...they were called "Sachad fallum"(water's pilgrims) and settled on the hills of Fadrahan, which later became their first kingdom...soon after the city of Shad^anoor was built on The great steppes further, toards to the core of these lands.The kingdom of Ledra followed soon, brazing it's capitol on the world mountain at Leandor(named after the second king to rule in Fadrahan).
One age passed and the land gave them many fruits and grain, also meat was found in the south, near the Lake of two falls, castles and cityes raised in the middle and toards the outskirts of the human kingdom;gold and iron ore were brought by the dwarves that ventured to the cliffs of the snowy mountains in search of treasures of the unknown.Elves brought the scrolls from the great libraries of Everglade and built their city near Varga's forest.
Trade routs established soon, also great outposts were built to protect the lands and cityes, like the inconquerable fortress Maerat, Treetop cottage, Fanghir's burrow and many other...a stranger nation, known to little to be involved in the "tall nations"...they were the small hobbits, lead by two families: the Bridgewins and Lillytails.The first lived near human and dwarven cityes from which they learned architecture and metalurgie, but didn't used it so much as their fellow nations did.
The Lillytails came from Eluoon(the elven capitol from beyond the seea) and embraced the nature, setting their shire around a small, but beautifull hill called "Spring rose" because of the pink roses that grew on the meadows around it.One age age in which they grew off the land...One day, somewhere in the rule of Rafaday's reign, the humans adventured far...too far and reached a scorched earth like a dragons bellows, spreading for miles, and a river of fire that they called Thabar'vu.Foolish and naive, the human scouts walked untill the edge of the river...A gateway opened in the flames and beyond it lied a sea of hideous and mutilated creatues that make the eyes turn and hope that it is all just a bad dream.The scourge of the earth sprung out, killing every living thing in their path...burning the forests and cityes, drinking the blood of the corpses( and the living that they captured).Great ships came the second time from beyond the sea...this time the ones aboard it were barbarians, strong men and exceptional warriors and hunters that answered the call of Fadrahan.Dwarves, elves, men, mages, barbarians and the other races that did not dwell along side them but faced the orcish problem rose-up to them.These alliances lasted untill one fateful day when an Evil gathered its forces and rose-up against these great nations, taking a name for it's self from the holy Book of Life; Makir, The One Power.He lead the armies untill the capitol of Leandor, where a battle lasted for three dawns and sun sets.
Many were lost and many were crippeled.At the end of the third night, The elder council chose six souls and four adjutants to send Makir into the void.On the very plain before the gates, the ten lured Makir into a trap and after a great fight they cought him and send him into nothingness, but so did he by takin seven of them.Sixty thousnad souls fell while defending the gates of their kingdomstwenty times more were the corpses of their enemyes who laid at their feet.Blood, mud and sweat filled the pages of the book that kept this day untill the end of times...

a middle part:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(this part is somewhere at the middle)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(...)Walking slowly on the white marble steps leading to the council hall of Fadrahan they saw nothing in their way but grief and sorrow...the once pride of all humanity was now nothing more than a ruined reminder of what used to be a great empire, a shadow of the old times.Beggars and peasants lied down near the corners of any building they could find...hunger was their pillow and misery was thier blanket.
It was not a sight someone could be proud of.All they could do is throw them a few coins and turn their heads hoping they could end this soon.Looking at each other they knew what they had to do...the answer lied thirty feet behind the great doors that they found themselves in front of.
"We all know what is to be done!said the mage."
"Yes...but I wonder if this is worth it?followed the elf.We are walking through the land of a shadow...and nothing more...what for bother this dying land.Yes, it was once a great citadel, but that was long ago...remember we all who stand here and were chosen in the Maerat fortress stood and fought with Evil itself...."
"Remember what the king said...>...interveined Suludan...the brave will be granted salvation..."
"Yes...I remember...we all Whisper of a thousand knive?followd the slippery words of the dwarf"
"He was tricked into it...and it was his choice and his one pushed him in drinking the blood offered by Qulan."
"End it!shouted Mayat.As I heard... a long time ago you all fought the vile domination of pure evil, now you face the same seems to me that the years didn't wisened you so much...we came here with a purpouse and we shall full fill it"
"The boy's right!said the mage.Let us leave this petty differences aside and do what we are suposed to...Now that I see that we all calmed, followed the mage with a calm voice,...there are twenty behind this door and the king is on the throne that lies in the middle...remember, we are not assasins, if necessary, aim for their arms, legs and no sharp weapons...turning his head toards Mayat...we two are going to use a bit of lights and an interesting conversation to persuade will know what to say...Suludan, you think you could...bring these gates down?"
"It be ma' pleasure.growled the barbarian"
And with a twist of his club he bashed the gates so hard that all of Fadrahan raised on their feet when the door was torn down.
Like the wind they entered the hall with fury and decision in their eyes...The elf saw not twenty enemyes, for him it was just as well as there would be a thousand of them, his bow didn;t miss one target, nor did the dwarf as he bashed the guards down with his mighty hammer.
The mage entered the room with large steps pining the king with his tare who could kill a dragon.
"Behold...he shouted"
And Mayat entered the room in his glittering armor.He raised his arms and bright and colourfull wings of ight spread from underneath his arms...
"Hear me, Oh king of Fadrahan...I am the messenger of the skyes and guardian of men, I am the Morning and Night star, I shine on you today with a message from the Council of all times...hear my foolish mortal...war is on the breach and hell's hoardes march with the undead and the dark creatures side by side...The kingdom of men asks you now to come facing the scourge with a sword and shield...what say you, king of men?thundered the room with his words Mayat..."
"What do you think it is that you could do coming here and threatening me...stood up the king"
"Silence...shouted Mayat and his glow filled more and more of the great hall...behold me in all my splendor foolish think you can stand up to a wonder amongst men...?and the light became so powerfull that the king had to turn his eyes and he felt shame that he couldn't stand up to the boy that came in front of him"
"who...who are you?asked with fear he who beared the crown"
"I am the children of the stars and heirer of the thron of men by the right of my father, he who died taking the evil into the Great abiss..."
"I...I am ashamed...I am, was the king of I have to give you the crown...followed the king with shame and dispare in his words"
"Keep your crown, said the mage, we are not here to take your crown, we came to ask for help...war is on the breach and the kingdoms of Shad^anoor and Leandor will follow the people of Fadrahan...Thabar'vu burns again to the skyes and ash and darkness fill the skyes...take a look at your capitol, people wait and hope for death because they are too weak to take their own lives...we must go to war..."
" not worthy...I...let my people down...the king turned his head and a tear filled his eye"
"No, you didn' stood up in harm's way when others didn' are trully worthy of the crown you wear...said the mage, puting his hand on his, great king, and he made a sign to the others to bow, will you help us...we ask our souveran and master for help..."
"Yes...said the king standing up proud again...thirty thousna sould sill be ready by tommorow morning...Fadrahan will meat makir with a spear and bow...we'll have the last word in this war, even if we die, we will die with honor...tommorow...we go to battle"

The fall of Kerz:

(...)Sun raises upon a land raped of it's once blurishing gloom and everlasting green fields of tall thin grass and colourfull flowers.
Far in the horizon marches the line of death and sorrow.An overwhelming force of orcs and beasts rumble the ground in their aproach on the misty mountains.
In the deep snowy and foggy peaks lies the fortress of Kerz.A mighty stronghold built on a leveled peak and connected to the south and east with two bridges, each three thousand feet long and three hundred feet wide, this fortress stood up in the early ages to the endless waves of swords and axes worn by those whocame from beyond Thabar'vu, the flaming river.
For years this sanctuary for lost pilgrims, rangers and wonderers shined in the vast top of the montains, guarding the passage to Shad^anoor and Leandor.
The fortress was raised in the year 341 after the old calendars and was given the name Ubahrador, later changed into Kerz's clutch, when Felldor BraKerz fought the nightmares of the misty mountains and showed great valor when he lead his men deep into the bowels of the mountain.
Now, Kerz's clutch faced another perill, the army of evil's touch marched to the mountains with roars and growls that the thin smooth grass and flowers leaned their fraglie bodies to the ground and relinquished their essence to the great godess of life that whiped on that day seeing her children being broken.
Night pulled together her darkened vail making way for the sun to wake up the men slleping in the fortress with his tame bright and warm rays.
Two of the guards waked up with night's web still on their eyes and with weakened bones by the sweet sleep that day's sister gave them.
Raising up on their feet, the guards picked up the allmost rusty shields and silvery spears and walked the bastions.Their boots seemed like they were filled with stones and iron.Their feet moved like the spring rain snails through the cold morning grass.The spears were heavy and their arms haven't been properly prepared to hold that weight so they leaned their weapons on the wall nd yawned long into the misty peaks.
Before the southern guard could close his sloobish lips, two arrows pierced his chest with a whispering song of death.The body of the soldier colapsed from the bastion in the middle of the court yard and stared into the blue skyes with a bloody chest.
Three hundred men sleeping in that fort were awakened by a shadow fallen from the skyes, later to be discovered as one of their brethren.
"Orcs, men" shouted the eastern guard."Man your posts" followed the thundering voice of Heradric.
This old and grey guardsman is the captain of the fortress.He is the great grandson of Felldor.His kean lived here many generations and all of them served the kingdom of men.
At the end of the bridge toards the mountain orcs sprung from the forests that lied right at the end of the bridge facing the mountain versants.The once beautifull land was now hacked and chopped by the army from beyond Thabar'vu.
Goblins and lizrd men scaled the northern and western side of the mounatin to the walls of Kerz, orcs with ladders and siege engines rushed the gates on the bridges.
"More archers to the south gate" shouted Heradric."Bring quivers and bows" followed one of his leutenents.
Soldiers rushed the serpentine stairs and quivers with arrows, bows adn crossbows were given like warm bread.Bloody drips fell from the walls on top of the orcs head who stuck their tongues out to fell the sweet taste of men blood.Squeels and roars were heard from all directions and the men inside Kerz fought with terror at their shoulders.
Fright wasn't coming from the idea of being killed, but rather from the ruthe awakening that they ecieved on such a beautifull morning.
Sonn their number decreased from three hundred to two hundred, than to one hundredand soon to fifty .
The white bridges built by the mighty dwarves had a brown red colour from the corpses of the orcs.
Bodies of fallen archers on the high walls of Kerz fell on the orcs below.In less than a few moments their bodies were consumed by the blood-thirsty orcs.
"Men"sounded the voice of Heradric."The enemy is at the gates and we are out numbered...the time of Kerz has ended in these darkened times".
He stopped for a while and saw the younger soldiers who haven't reached the age of menhood whiping a blody tear on their ripped and slashed cheeks.He took off his helm so the soldiers couldn't see him too giving a tear for the young boys sonn to be slaughtered.
"Cheer up men!he shouted once more.The enemy is overwhelmig but..." and he stopped seing the young boys who haven't yet reached the age of menhood whiping a bloody tear on their slashed cheeks.
With a heavy heart he took off his helm so the others couldn't see him too giving a tear for the young ones soon to be murdered.
"The enemy will break the gates soon"followed his thundering voice."I see there are young ones here...don't be affraid to hold up your swords, for you will be the first to enter the halls of the valiant and meet our forefathers.May our death be a heroic one and our swords brake in their chests for as long as we drw breath...WE WON'T DROP THE SWORD...LET THEM NOW THAT MEN WILL NEVER GIVE UP!BLOOD IN BLOOD AND STEEL IN STELL, FOLLOW ME MEN INTO DEATH'S CLAW AND DIE WITH ME!"he shouted so hard that the skyes thundered.
Fifty of the last men defending Kerz rushed the gates with spears and swords and started slashing their way through the urgy.

Somewhere on the foothills in the east, Mayat awoke with a breath like it was the first he drew.
"What happened?"asked Suludan.
"The mountain father runs through darkness"he said with a frightened voice.
"Yes...Kerz has fallen"said the mage with a fading voice.

A fading star:

(...)Ten months ago the bloody fall of Kerz darkened the souls of many who lost their spous and children in what was to be one of the most painfull battles in the history of men.
After the long pilgrinage that didn't hold back the terrors and horrors that lurked the earth before the great seas started to take back the waters from the wasteland that the ten walked on now, the mighty mountains of Ard'Khael stood up in the far horizon threatening all who was not a friend with the low people, the mighty dwarves.
Galleries filled with bright coloured gems laid bellow the mountains that sprung from the sea.
Devils and mysts defended these treasures but the sharp axes and swords of the frightless dwarves leveled any creature that held some of earth's oldest artifacts and magical stones.
"Look"howled Suludan."The rock of Khael lies before us...haste the horses and let us reach a warm bowl of stew in the dwarven lairs"he said and turned his horse to the Frozen summit.
Emra and Mayat turned their heads swiftly and hidden, there was something that kept their minds from focusing on the mission...their eyes, their hair...their lips.Mayat and Emra were far from the age of union but the attraction couldn't be more powerfull.It is known that elven women and every man(dwarven, human, barbarian or other) were allways vulnerable to one and other, but this was beyond the laws of seemed like their souls were matched thousands of years ago and found themselves in younger bodies touched with the holy gift of living once more the love that moved mountains, surrounded by darkness.
The palgue that for long has covered the land was slowly dispelled by the light of their love...and the others travelling with them knew that this was the answer, although theu were to be separated once more.
A rough climb through the harsh side of the mountain, away from the danger that faced the other way, and many perils coming not only from their enemy, but the nature too greeted the untill they found themselves in front of the dwarven white wall fo Ard'Khael.
"Open, master dwarves"shouted Suludan."I am the wild king of the great wasteland...we come as friends with a mission pressing on our shoulders...we seek food and shelter for three or four nights".
"*Gereth tork herotar wuhtlan foneroth*"(we will open to you, friend of the dwarves)sounded a short stuffed voice in a tongue whivh most of them did not understood.
(After they entered the gates and passed the garisons to the dwarven city, Kindar, a rune master, greeted them and showed them their chambers...after supper he took Mayat and Emra deep in the mountain caves).
"Follow me children"he said."You aren't going to let an old man beat you at runing, are you?"he smiled at them.
The road was heavy for an old man, though Kindar seemed to fly above the stones and metal chunks that weren't mined by the dwarves.
Long grey hair flowed from under the old dwarf's hat.A golden tunic improved with red, green and blue lines glowed into the dark like a torch, and a small staff, with a red stone at the top, held in his small hands cleared the path from before him.His old slippers were quite big for him adn Mayat and Emra laughed for themselves at their sight.
"Well, come on now, we are almost there"he grumphed.
The two followed him through the dark until he dissapeared in the shades of the caverns, only to appear again a few feet ahead, near a torch that suddenly lit, and after, a hole line of torches lited one after another in the dark.
They were now in a great hall, far to odd to believe that they were still in the caves.
A marvelous sight surrounded them.The walls and floor were carefully polished to perfection and decorated with old weapons, rugs, paintings, and at last, at the end of the hall, behind the throne were carved into the wall a series of old dwarven runic simbols.
Emra and Mayat were overwhelmed by the sight and Kindar smiled from behind his grey whiskers.
"How do you like Florionor?he asked, pulling out the two from their state of dazzle.
"What...?This is Florionor?"followed Mayat with the shock like he was hit by a hammer in the chest."The dwarven oldest rune hall...I am most honored and...I can not find any more words to exoress my self..."
"Yes, this is overwhelming"chingled Emra's crystaline voice.
"Come, to the throne!" he said and marched to a great carved stone covered with gold and silver.
"This is the throne of Dolin Etrene, the great prince..."
"But...Dolin is a poem, an old"asked Mayat confused.
"Hear the story which I shall read from the runes"said kindly the old dwarf...
"Foggy forests myst, what lies in the fields below?An unspeakable beauty dances with the beasts...flutists and ministrels surround her and raise her with the sound of magical whispers spoken by the wind when he was a man walking among the earth dwellers.A hunter comes from the mountain peak and sees the moon came down to earth surrounded by the stars...he throws his weapons on the ground and his regal clothes...he grabbes a ruggy cloth and throws it on his stongly body.Down the mountain he runs to the one that took his eyes.In his run Inoa the elven queen sees him and she runs to him.They meet at the mountain's middle and there they are bound by the heavens.Inoa leaves to tell her mighty father, the north star, that her husband is the prince of earth and their heirer will come soon.At the waste of the mountain, a dark claw drops endless hooded nightmares and bloody beasts to take the queen he desires for his own.Dolin grabs his sword and he throws himself in front of his beloved.The light of their love covers the fields and takes the sight from Inoa's eyes.When she openes her eyes again she can see only blood in the green fileds.Her love lies faced to the ground with his sword in one hand and the lock of hair she gave him before she went in the other hand.With bloody tears she leans on him and she sings him a love and departing song...and she stays there until father earth covers them with earth and releases their souls from their graves into the west and east untill they will be united again..."the old dwarf ended his song with a fading voice.
Emra was now siting at the feet of the throne wheping and Mayat turned his back, also giving a tear across his cheek.
"Why...why am I crying?"he thought..."I came from the wilderness...though...".There was almost nothing that could frighten him, but these words, the story, seemed so oddly familiar...but what was it?He couldn't figure it out.
"Well"said the dwarf,whiping the tear from his cheek "I see that you two are somehow troubled, I'll elt you talk for a while...Emra, come to the council room soon".
The dwarf slowly walked away and dissapeared into the dark, but he didn't forget to light torches as he walked away so the two woudl find their way out.
"Emra, did you..."whisperd Mayat.
"Yes, there is something that hurts my heart...she said betwenn tears...the story...I know it sounds foolish, but why is it so sad?"she wheped.
"No, you aren't foolish at all"Mayat tryed to comfort her and he held her in his arms.
"It really hurts..."she said.
Mayat crossed his hand to her heart and felt it poundinf.
"Don't worry...I am here...don't be affraid...hush now."
And they set there holding eachother in the dim light of Florionror.
An hour later they decided to go and see the others, but they walked with a heavy heart amongst the stones that carried so much grief.
As they exited the caves, Litar the mage waited for them in the council room's door.
"Emra, come child...we must talk...Mayat, you go and rest...remember tommorow we wait for a great battle"he said.
Both of them followed his words and did as he asked.
As fast as the gazelle runs through the great green plains, so did the two lovers, the sun and moon continued their never ending chase on the skyes, and now it was the glowing sun's turn to search for his love through out the lands.
Mayat woke up with concern on his face "Why didn't the war horns blow?"he asked himself and hastly grabbed his war tunic and silver sword.After he washed his face and hands with the cold water from the dwarven bowl beside his bed, he ate what ever food the dwarves laid on his table.As soon as he reached for the door nob, Litar entered and closed the door behind him.
"What are you doing"asked Mayat "Come now, war is close and we must fight"he looked confused and somehow scared to Litar "What are you doing".
"You aren't going to any battle, Mayat, we must go.Suludan waits for us in the hall."said Litar with a calm voice.
"Suludan?...but what about Raven, Claw and what about Emra?"he asked.
"Emra isn't coming, lad...but we are..."he said turning his sight to thewindow facing the down hill.
"Oh" said Mayat after he saw where the mages sight looked toards to "She is at battle, isn't she...then why don't you let me go...I can't leave her alone..."he shouted.
"You are far to important to be lost today, young friend"thundered Litar.
"No" he shouted and he pushed the mage away, almsot throwing him on the floor.
On his way out he stumbled across Suludan, but he couldn't face the huge barbarian's mass so he fell on the floor, although he was quite strong too.
"Where are you going, young master?"asked Suludan.
"Please...let me pass..."but he stopped seing that Suludan grimed.
" knew about this?"asked Mayat taking back a few steps.
"Yes, my dear boy...Litar is a very wise man and soon you will understand why we had to do this"smiled Suludan, trying to cheer up Mayat, but he ended his voice when he saw that Mayat started to cry.
"Please...let me go...if you are my friend you will let me go"cryed Mayat "Please...I have to go, I can't leave her alone...I was in Florionr...I heard the song...I know...Dolin adn Inoa...please..."he crwaled to his feet.
"Raise, my dear boy...These are Litar;s orders...and I..."he followed with his eyes webed by a tear that ouldn't leave his eye.
"I beg of you" Mayat cryed even more...
The mighty Barbarian moved his tremendous body that blocked the door and lowered his sight.Only when Mayat pulled himself together from the floor he let one tear across his wide shaved cheek.
"Where is the boy"asked Litar furios just coming out the door, holdng his head upon he had a bruise taken after Mayat threw him on the floor.
"I have a mind to spank once or twice that wild boy, he almost cracked my head like an egg"he growled.
"Too late"said Suludan, finding himself again in the door "He went to battle"...but before he finished his words he fell the hard staff of the mage bashing him across the face.
"You foolish let him go?I told you last night in the council room what I foresaw"
"You foresaw what hasn't been written yet."said Suludan raising from the floor.
"You think I didn't hear too what that stupid little dwarf said to them?He told them their pasts and they were so bright that they figgured it out...Kindar didn't planned that...> this is what he forgot to tell them...and Emra chose her path!"shouted furious the mage.
It was too late for them to reach the boy, who allready left the gates on his horse.
From upon the great white wall you could see eerytthing untill down mountain and far more.
At the outskirts, Emra fought the orcs along side the mighty dwarves.Their number was overwhelimng and in Emra's heart and mind there were only two thoughts..."will I ever see him again" and "I beg the stars, don't let Him come here" and she strung her bow, piercing with great passion the orcs.
From the mountain top Mayat rushed his horse and unshileded hi sword...the only thing that left his trembeling lips was a roar that shook the mountains.His stallion ran almost like he was the master of the wind, sencing his master's pain, wishing he could take a part for himself and releave him from the great burdain.In the wind Mayat held his sword high...suddenly a light-blue glow, coming from the ring recieved from Emra, lightened the skyes and an aura of brightness covered him...the mage, barbarian, orcs and every other living being had to turn their heads from the mountain versatns, only when the felt like looking back they saw with great surprise and a miraculous feeling of joy that Mayat rode a golden-gloiwng stallion, and he was covered with the armor and helm of a time far set into the old ages.Long light coloured winges reached from his helmet a few feet back, and his gold, silvery armor, made of red, white and yellow metal shined into the land far across.
"RRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH"he shouted and the last few feet of the mountain his horse leaped right into the middle of the urgy and in front of Emra.
With his long spade he cut a way through the waves of orcs...he was looked upon the white wall by those who coldn't have come in time to the battle.More and more he slashed thorugh the fowl beasts, defending Emra.His armor glew and glew more as he held back the armies of evil...untill the light was unbearble.Seconds, minutes, even hours all of those who watched didn't dare to throw not even a single shed of sight to the blood bath bellow.
Litar and Suludan finally arrived at the down hills on their horses, through the other side of the mountain.Together shouting and slashing what ever forces the enemy had, they fought their way to where they last saw Mayat.
Here they found Emra crying upon Mayat's breathless body, holding his uncovered head in her lap and singing a song between her tears
"Se luenne Se luenne Ner lunom elle terie Me lanne noro seum Amunar taheio Olod ranas fae......"

The longest days(END):

(...)The leaves fell when, by the calculation of the wisest ones, over the earth ruled autumn, but the war that devoured these lands overwhelmed it in a never ending winter of pain and grief.
Five years passed since the gathering was called to vanquish the enemy, but the low mind of the human king under estimated the power of The One Evil, as told in the book of life.
"Five years of blood and five years of fire"-the prophecy has full filled...but at what cost and what end?
The dwellers of this tainted lands were wondering wether they lived a bad dream, or if they reached the realm of eternal suffering, that which is destined to all who lived a dark life.
Kerz, Ard'Khael, Shad'anoor, Ledra, Tre Namath...all these great citadels, that formes the line of defense before breeching into the world of men and elves, have fallen, only a few more outposts held chest to the chaotic hoardes of the enemy...Maerat, Winter song and Nammeth were the last two outposts.
The citizens of all of the fallen kingdoms gathered in the last bastion of humanity, Fadrahan, the first kingdom.There wasn't someone in that city who hasn't lost a soul in the great wars...the eyes of many blinded from the long nights of crying and the light of their eyes quickly faded away.
Fathers of many went to war with grief at the thought that they would never see their sons, doughters or wives again, but the only comfort they had was that their death could add a few more days to the lives of their loved ones.
The war aged eveything in the world, not only their faces, but their hearts also.
Even Raven and Claw, the gathering's Scouts, the youngest hunters and rangers in the lands were now almost grown men and the signs of the battles could be seen easely on their cheeks brazed with the memories of the battles that mearly missed in sending them to The Other Realm.Litar didn't changed physicaly, only his heart was now full of sorrow seeing the pain of all of those who couldn't defend themselves from Makir's wrath.
One of the last lights that lit their eyes and stole a smile of their faces was the love that Emra and Mayat wore for each other.
In the day's of Mayat's journey to the other side Emra watched at his head day and night careless of her condition.She kept saying old elven and dwarven heeling words and chants, she didn't even let the rough road show its signs on his face, she always washed his face and hands, and laid a warm blanket on his body.
By now Mayat carried more wisdom and knowledge about the earth and spirits than more of the mages at the tower of Kel'Asher, wounds, both flesh and spiritual, covered his body and his mind saw more than the eye's permited, he began to understand the Enemy, and sometimes even see him close to him.
In his dreams he often saw the final battle on the green field near the forests of the elves, but the dream flew away before he coudl see the end.
Darkness was spreading more and more every day...every one knew their chances and didn't care, the war would end soon, very soon, that gave them power to go on, but almost all, even the bravest ones, didn't care about how it would end, as long as it would end.
The longest pilgrimage that sometimes lacked food or water, a warm bed or even a relaxing bath, was getting shorter and shorter.Ahead on the road, the ten could see the elven city...Nammeth.
Nammeth was the first elven city built since the coming to this realm from beyond the sea, together with all the nations, after the purge of their second home.
Smaller in length than Fadrahan, but non the less more beautifull.
The walls were filled with all of the lively colours, as instructed by Rouann, the first elven king to walk these lands, also, there would be found paintings of the old times when elves first came to the western shores, paintings that resembled their history, both with good and bad events that were told in one peisage that worth more than a thousnad words.
The inside of the city was filled with shrines to the elven gods, that were decorated with the ornaments pleesing to the gods, and on the nearby stones were written in golden letters the storyes of each and everyone.
The elven cottages were built in the style left by their forefathers...long pillarsa and large windows coloured with live colours, roofs made of young tree branches and steady oak doors guarded the way in their sanctuaryes.
The most outstanding piece in the city was the king's, or rulling lord's, pallace.
Higher than the one in Fadrahan, this pallace had sky-reaching bastions and towers that flew high the flags of the elves.Great windows, bigger than the houses bellow, covered the whole structure, and two massive doors were the way in, guarded by two high elven guards who would greet those who were friends with kind words, and those who were foes would be greeted with swords and spears.
The great city was the final destination of the gathering.
Almost with their last breath, the ten reached the gates and almost collapsed in the gateway, but two roudy guards jumped to their help and called others to carry them inside the pallace.
The only ones who seemed less tired than the rest were Suludan, who was used to these kind of pilgriages, and Mayat, who's concern didn't left room for rest or tiring.
As soon as he was sure that everyone was well fed and put to sleep in their chambers, Mayat dressed in the tunic brought by the elves; covered with all of the ornaments that trully showed the majesty and talent of the leves, this robe had the special gift to hasten the rest of the bearer, as well as helping in the healing of the flesh wounds.
For a moment Mayat smiled at the warm and comfortable feeling of the elven silk.
He reached for the door nob, but he esitated, remembering the day when he fell at Ard'Khael, but there was nothing that could trully frighten him so he opened the door.
The time was almost two cloks after midnight and everyone was at their outposts or, those who coul, were asleep.
Torches lightened the way through the coridors so those who walked through the palace wouldn't stumble on something.
He walked almost an hour through the great halls looking at the paintings that showed the history of the elves, untill he saw a picture that disturbed him.It represented a human soldier in a great armor with a circlet on his head.He looked a bit like him, only he had a dark and evil look in his eyes.He held his sword in his right hand and in his left he held the throat of some beast that was painted quite foggy and couldn't see it well, though he knew what was it.
"I see you were drawn to this picture"sounded a voice in his back.
Mayat was to tired to make any sudden moves as he was used to, but he found himself in one of the safest palces at that time so he didn't turn.
"Who is the man in the picture?"he asked with a dim voice.
"Don't you recognize him?HE is very close to you"followed the voice.
'No, I don't"sayed mayat.
Suddenly the voice approached and Mayat saw that the one who spoke was the king himself.
A tall elf, with an elven short and light circlet on his head, that resembled a crown, well built, yet quite slim, his blue eyes reached into Mayat's heart and preasented himself as a kind man, so Mayat loosened up.
"No, how could you..."followed the elf."Any way, he is your father..."
"My father?"intrerupted Mayat.
"Yes, he is Dragarn...the follower of the dragon men...and this is Darg'un, one of his amirals".
"What happened?"asked Mayat a bit confused.
"This is a very old picture...your father led his men on the seas after our last homeland burned.He reached a line of caves a far distance from the homeland, and the men felt the need of touching solid soil again with their feet so they landed on the shores.Darg'un and a hand of men walked into the caves in search for the treasures that no one ever saw from the begining of time.Three days they walked the caves, untill, in the night of the third day, Darg'un left the caves alone...he said that they found a great evil inside and they should leave.Once on the boat, Darg'un began to raise the men against Dragarn and finaly he wanted to execute him, but he found it proper to do it on land, but when they reached the shores, a hand of elves that followed them from above shot their bows into the corrupted men, killing almost all.Than your father grabbed Darg'un by the throat and unshielded his you can see in the painting, but Darg;un stabbed him and ran toards the scorched earth and jumped through Thabar'vu.The hgih elves could do nothing for your fathers with their healing powers, so they called upon the power of the gods who gave your father immortality and raised him to the skyes, untill, a few years agp he fell in love with your mother...after their sign of love you came, but the elven gods got angry because he didn't obbey their orders, so they turned him into a river and your mother went there and wheped days and months untill the gods turned her into a willow.That place isn't very far from here and I shall take you there if the war ends to our favor...understand that the gods didn't turned them into nature elements from an evil sent, but they turned them so that they could share their love for eternity, that place is protected by the gods, and will be shut in the great forrest once Evil gets near to it, but it will open a path if they sence a kind heart on the road..."the king finished his story as the sun almost risen and allready the palace gave signs that the others woke up.
When Mayat turned, the king wasn't there any more, instead Emra looked at him with her deep blue eyes, full of love.
"How are you, my love?"she asked with a trmbeling voice.
"Tired"responded Mayat.
Though Emra hoped for a better answer, her eyes lit at the sound of Mayat's voice, since those words were the only ones he said in a log time.
"I waited for you last night"she said while getting close to him, although with a little bit of right because she didn't want, nor needed rejection...the war allready had done that.
"I'm sorry"said Mayat, and to Emra's delight he grabed her in his arms."I talked to the king...I found out about my line of family...I am..."but his words were intrerupted by Emra "Hush now!We will speak when we will have now, you were awake all night, you need your rest"she said with a kind voice.
"Perhaps I am"sayed Mayat."Come wit me untill my chamber..."and he almost colapsed, but Emra cought him and carried his arm arround her silky smooth hair untill he liad in bed and fell in a deep sleep.
When she left his room, Suludan and Litar waited in the door.
"We must speak Emra."sayed Litar with a concerned voice.
"Yes, we must...let's go in the council room...the king waits there"followed Emra, whiping the tear from her cheek.
Slowly and quietly they walked to the throne room, where the king waited at a round table, filled with silver platters with food and elvish ornaments.
"Come...sit"he sayed.And they did so.
"The final battle will be fought tommorow...where we call the fields The Plains of Judgement..."he followed.
"How ironic!"said Litar."But, what better name for the end of such a great war"...
"I wonder how many years from now this war will be talked about..."followed Suludan.
"No doubt that tales will be told for thousands of years..."sayed the king.
"Emra, why do you sit so you have nothing to say...?"asked Litar.
"How could I say heart allows me only to cry inside for my love...Mayat's dying"she sayed with a low voice, holding her sight pined to the ground.
"No, he isn't...he's astrong lad, any way, death seems to be afraid of him"jocked Suludan, trying to cheer up Emra.
"No...he REALLY is dying...his heart is weakening, this war ate his very essence...if it doesn't end soon he will surely die"she said and a tear fell from her eye and sounded painfully in the quietness of the hall.
"The war will end tommorow, my child"sayed touched her hed softly.
"I'm affraid that he won't hold up untill tommorow"she sayed even with more pain in her heart.
"The Roots of Earth should help him, it's a healing robe that was passed on to me from the dawns of is just a tunic, but its powers are vast"sayed the king.
Suddenly Emra raised up and ran through the halls away from the table.
Litar raised from his place, but Suludan thundered the room with his colosal voice "Sit down Litar, I will go and talk to her, she needs a shoulder to cry on" and he left for her.
He found her crying on her bed, holding the scarfs that Mayat wore that day at Ard'Khael.
"Hush child, hush"sayed Suludan and held her.
"He is dying and I can't do anything"she sayed between tears.
"You allready did more than you were supposed to, you cared for him day and night for months"he sayed.
"But what about him?"she asked and pulled back "He gives his life willingly, and he know there are other watys, but even if there aren't he would gladly go unarmed and suffer torture and endless pain behind Thabar'vu only if he would know that we woudl get to live...his body si full of wounds and his heart suffers an imaginable pain, and I curse the skyes taht they didn't gave me the power to take some of the pain for my own..."but she couldn't go on for the tears she shed almost chocked her.
"Dear child, you don't need to remind me what I already know...he is indeed great...valor fades at hte sound of his name...but maybe it was written this way"sayed Suludan.
"Nothing is writen!"shouted Emra."He chose to die..."and she bursted into tears again "But I love him...why does he have to go...he is still young..."
"Oh my child, I can only imagine what you feel"and Suludan caressed her hair."Once, a long time ago i felt the miracle of love...I was young...I lived in the great city of Fadrahan, but the civil war took her away and I left the civilised world and lived in te desert..."
They stood and talked untill late at night when Emra finaly colapsed from exhaustion in bed.
Suludan left quietly and closed the door behind him.
The night passed as swiftly as the sprin rabbit runs through the plains in a wet morning, feelin the wonders of life, but these times stripped nature from the small pleasures she gave to the people.
Hoardes of orcs and beasts marched to the end of one of the powers that woudl clsh this day.
Makir was pulled in a dark golden throne of bones, wearing an armor of darkness that imbued him with increased powers, beasts and cyclops marched along them, even the ogre from the mountains came down to the call fo Makir's evil.
Palgue once again spreaded through the lands and the cure could be found only on the tip of the breaves' swords.
The alliance of man, elves, barbarians and the last of the dwarves was assembled a few miles from the Plains of Judgement.
Once again the armors of men, elves and dwarves shined united under the sunlight.
It was the first day in months when the sun shined so bright and warm, even a short and mild rain fell upon the heads of the last soldiers who felt warm inside.
The march to the battle was carried out swiftly and soon, The Plains of Judgemnet were flanked by two armies, both great and large, each one holding the side of good or evil.
Threats and howls came from both sides, untill the words and sounds turned into arrows and magic.
And on that sunny day, the two armies clashed so hard that the skyes screamed from that sound and heaven unleasehd its fury upon theose who shed blood.
Arrows both elven and orcish flew from one side to another clouding the sight above with a thick chain shirt of wooden death stings.
Here, death walked the fields claming the souls of the fallen ones sending them to the heavens or to eternal torture...the shadow world filled so much taht in some parts of the firlds could be heared the mouns of the dead ones.
Raven and Claw were the ones closer to the appearance of Evil and seemed to cut a cicular row so the armies of Good could pass; they fought with the might of lions and weren't touched by the hand of death.
Even Litar threw himself in the middle of the battle, wielding Janur, the blessed sword of the Medjiah, he leveled to the ground any foe that dared to come with his axe or sword above his head.
Again, Emra fought direly, but this time Mayat held her side and fought not through the power of steel and fire but through the power of their love, a greater power that could not be tamed or faced neither by the greatest evil in the world.
"Back, back to the tree line"shouted Suludan when he saw that more and more soldiers of their kind fell.
The chaos seemed to dim itself, and even Makir held back his troups.
At the safety of the trees Mayat followed Emra in a small clearing and took off his helmet.
"The ods are against us"sayed Emra with her eyes sorrowed.
"They are, aren't they"followed Mayat, aranging his sweaty hair."But if this is the end, I will be the last to die and I shall do that woth my sword stuck up Makir's throat, and even if my sword and body will be broken, I will still die with his neck in my hands"he sayed with anger.
But he quickly finished his words, Emra was crying again...this war took out of her the soft touch of the young woman she was.For five years she lived in the darkest and roughest times of all.She was like a flower left to grow on the rocky peacks of the wasteland mountains...she still shined, but the winds and harsh conditions pulled her down.
With out any thought, Mayat grabbed her by the middle and pressed his lips against hers and a fiery passion grew in that kiss that their wounds healed.On that dark day, the light of love was more than welcome.
"Call the Raven Caw...we ned his help"sayed Mayat decisivly.
"You think that they can still do this?It's been a long time"ased Emra.
"I don't think so...I'm sure"sayed Mayat and his eyes glew again that light that appeared in his eyes when he could move mountains if he wanted to.
"Neroth hath lakoth eker skel"whispered Emra in her old tongue and, suddenly, from the bushes appeared the two Scouts.
"Why did you called us now?"asked Raven "I was just slashing a cyclops, I think I heard him curse me and I wanted to take out his tongue before hif life"sayed Raven smiling wile whiping the blood of his blade daggers.
"Charming as ever, Raven"sayed Mayat."But now listen...we need the Raven Claw...once more we ask for your blade talent master Scouts..."replyed Mayat and he held their shoulders in his palms.
"Are you going to do what we think you will?"asked Claw with a cunning grime.
" go, tell Suludan and Litar to open my way"sayed Mayat.
After the two Scouts left, Emra closed up to Mayat."What are you going to do?"she asked.
"Don't worry...Makir will finally taste my wrath"he replied.
"Don't go..."she said and threw herself at his chest."If you go this time I will surely lose you..."and she fell into tears again.
"My dearest..."he said and held her tender face in his fingers with the softness of the spring breeze."If I don't do this I may never get another chance...Please, don't cry...This is the end of the tale of Dolin and Inoa...and the begining of our story...don't you see...that kiss".
"Yes, that beautifull kiss"intrerupted Emra.
"That kiss set their souls free...I felt it...they wish for us to be together they said...One more time Dolin will appart from I noa so he could watch over me and Inoa over you..."he sayed.
"Oh...only if it would be like this...but untill then kiss me again"she sayed.
And again they kissed there in the tree clearing, until the sound of a horn broke the magic of love.
"I must go"sayed Mayat."Suludan is gathering the troops".
"I will be right behind you my love"Emra responded.
And Mayat ran and jumped on the horse that carried him for five years and almost could read the thoughts of his master.
"Come Elouenar, we ride one last time, we must do this..."he said with a calm voice, the he shouted "Raven Claw and swords of the sun...LET THE ENEMY FEEL THE MAJESTY OF THE FORJERS AND MEET US IN THIS DAY WITH THEIR HEADS BOWED TO OUR BLADES...NO ONE HOLDS BACK UNTILL MAKIR FALLS, HOLD YOUR SWORDS AND SPEARS, FOR LIFE AND GLORY RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"sounded again that well-known roar of anger and the army leaped into battle with a roar so mighty that Makir himself shook on his feet.
Raven claw and Suludan ran through the helpless orcs like a rock slide through the grass, opening a path for Mayat who rode with his sword held forth and shouting as much as the skyes trembelled.
A moment, an instant...and the last thing everyone saw was Mayat charging with his sword into Makir's chest through his shield.
An explosion so hard knocked everyone consciensless on the groun so they would wake up the next morning.
Once again birds and the forest's dwellers made their lively noises and the sun smiled down on them.
Except for the few bodies of the orcs left on the field, no one could see the signs of the great battle that decided the turn of mankind.
Litar, Suludan and the others looked with confused faces throughout the lands and couldn't belive their eyes, nor could they see Mayat or Emra, neither Raven or Claw.Only the all-knowing elven king stood and smiled and did not say on word.
As well as we are concerned on this part of the story, this is knowed: Raven and Claw were the first ones to wake after the shock, after Mayat and Emra.Mayat and Emra were holding each other adn when Raven and Claw came they talked a little while and gave their brave fallen soldiers a heroic funeral.Once finished, Raven and Claw took some artifacts and left to live a kind life.
Mayat and Emra climbed on Elouenar's back and dissapeared into the myst, to live their lives in peace, loving eachother, but first, Mayat went to see his parent's resting places.
The war was finaly over and the dark shroud was being pulled from the lands.
For generations peace roamed untill another war came and another...but for several years peace was the only ruler this realm had.
Mayat, Emra, Litar, Suludan and the others had more adventures by their own, but sometimes the faith brought them together again.
The day and story ended with the love song that Emra sang to Mayat at Ard'Khael, only that this time love conquered all, even death...
"Se luenne Se luenne Ner lunom elle terie Me lanne noro seum Amunar taheio Olod ranas fae......"


I hope you liked it


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« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2004, 05:57:06 pm »
It would be nice if someone would reaply to my would be great.
Thank you

Connor Wolf

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The legacy...............
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2005, 12:15:06 pm »

This forum is for reviews of short stories and actual fiction.

Bryn Llewellyn

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The legacy...............
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2005, 03:33:53 pm »
I have read some of this story, and found it to be of poor quality. For example, one should never - unless one's surname is Pratchett - make extensive use of capital letters in a story.

With all due respect,


Offline Lermontov

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The legacy...............
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2005, 10:56:46 am »
Hello Jericho. I can't comment on your excerpt because I haven't read it.

But I would be extremely wary of posting your fiction up onto a public forum on any site.

First of all people might steal any ideas you have and it would be hard to prove they hadn't when it came to it.

Secondly, you leave yourself open to the most casually brutal criticism possible.

Anyone who tells you that a writer has to be able to cope with this is talking nonsense - certainly not on the Net - at the level of the Internet the sort of brutal criticism you may get is something else altogether from the ordinary nastiness of the publishing world.

And if you are a young writer something might really hurt and do permanent damage when you might be too vulnerable to take it.

Now, if you get a book published and earn a few pennies for it then you won't give a damn about even the most brutal criticism. You'll have been paid for your efforts (I did say a few pennies!) and only the opinions of people you respect will matter then anyway.

Best thing for you to do, is find a private forum in which to post your work for critique. That way, although people will still give you their honest criticisms of your work, it will be in a controlled environment.

I know of such a site which is specifically a site for writers of fantasy, but you must first contribute to the public postings before you can post your work in the private forum for help and advice.

If you are interested, PM me and I'll send you the link.

But if you do got to the site, post up a huge chunk of writing in a public forum there from the very beginning, it will be removed in an instant! Mostly for the poster's own good.

Lindsay Lloyd

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The legacy...............
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2005, 01:40:30 am »
Is this a complete story?

Posting complete stories on the web means they are considered published and therefore you would only be able to sell them as reprints. If you want a critique I would recommend You have to give critiques to receive them.


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too harsh, Bryn
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2005, 02:08:16 pm »
You should take into account that our young author is Romanian. He will have lost some in translation. And seeing as I am of limited education and only know english I will allow him the errors and give full marks for effort. :twisted: